Inadequacy
by DarkKitKat
Summary: DESTIEL. M/M Smut. 18 . First M/M. ONE-SHOT Cas almost gets hurt again and Dean feels horrible about it. When Dean gets lost in the moment and kisses his angel and Cas doesn't respond, what will happen? A broken Impala window and a broken hand that's what. I don't own Supernatural, just love the show and Destiel is a part of my armada. AU


Okay I've never written M/M before but I'm in love with Supernatural and any pointers are welcome.

Don't own a thing.

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Dean shook with fear as the angel blade finally dropped from the bastard's hands. Dean looked up at Castiel who healed himself almost instantly from the few bruises he had started to form from the long fight. Thankfully, the bastard hadn't had time to slice Castiel, Dean had made sure to jump between the attacker and Castiel when the knife had come down to slice his angel in the chest. "God damnnit Cas! Why did you let him get close? You can't let anyone with that kind of weapon get close!" Dean screamed, his fear turning into rage rapidly.

"Dean..." Castiel began.

"No! Fuck!" Dean cut him off, his anger driving his fist into the tree to expel some of the inadequacy Dean felt. He could deal with pain not this overwhelming need to grab Castiel and hold him close to his chest and never let him go. He just couldn't _do_ that. "Dammnit Cas you can't let these people get close! You can't die on me man!" Dean was trying to quell the fear but it was making his entire body tremble. Cas had gotten to close to dying too many times in the past. Had gotten close to never returning to Earth.

Dean didn't realize he had been steadily walking closer to Cas until they were toe to toe. Dean grabbed a hold of his collar and held on, his eyes reflecting the terror of losing Cas. Cas could feel Dean's arm shake as he held onto his collar, could see the turmoil in Dean. Castiel watched the blood trickle down Dean's chin from his busted lip and split cheek. "Dean let me heal that," Castiel whispered. "No, if I had seen that bastard sooner, you wouldn't have been close to death again," Dean growled, jerking his head away.

"Dean this isn't your fault," Castiel tried again. Dean was not having any of it, his heart squeezing in pain as images of all of his loved ones dead on the ground. Images flashed quickly at the pools of blood, odd body positions, and the smell of death. "I can't lose you Cas, I can't," Dean was whispering, his eyes out of focus. Castiel stepped closer, bring his own arm to the back of Dean's neck trying to bring him back to reality, "Dean I am fine, I was not close to death, I don't even have a-" Castiel was cut off as Dean's body lunged forward, lips slamming into each other. Cas was stunned and didn't move a muscle. Five seconds later and Castiel did not respond, Dean's mind caught up with what his body was doing and jerked back.

Castiel looked at Dean wide eyed. "I'm sorry Cas, I-I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again. I shouldn't have done that I'm so stupid. I thought maybe you felt the same- What was I thinking of course not. I'm sorry. What right do I have to touch you?" Dean stepped back, turning away, degrading his self worth over and over into the trees leaving Castiel behind. Castiel stood there, dumbfounded. Dean had kissed him. Dean. Kissed HIM. He could still feel his soft lips brushing over his in that short moment. Castiel's head jerked up as he heard something large hitting what he could only assume was Baby. The sound of glass shattering got the angel's feet moving, running toward Dean. He stopped when he saw the broken look on Dean's face as he slid into the mud, back against his Impala as he held onto his wrist supporting the bleeding hand.

"I'm not worth it," Dean whispered, heart breaking. He held onto his wrist and put his head onto his knees. Castiel was rooted to the spot, his own heart breaking at the sight. He could feel the despair coming off of him in waves. It seemed the hunter didn't even notice his audience, to caught up in rejection. It wasn't just some chick he wanted a one stand from that laughed in his face or rejected him after a few free drinks. This was Cas, his Cas he had thought. A man that Dean thought cared about him on some deeper level than friends or even brothers. Dean clenched his wrist tighter how wrong he had been. _I fucked everything up._ Castiel silently deceivering the emotions coming off Dean in waves. Rejection and self hate being the strongest. How long had Castiel wondered what it would feel like kissing him? How many nights had he watched as Dean slept, mumbling his name, grasping for him in his dreams? How many times had Castiel caught Dean staring at his lips and vice versa?

"Dean-" Castiel whispered, his voice lumped in his throat. Dean visibly tensed, head raising up, not looking at Castiel but instead the trees in his line of vision. "If an apology isn't enough, you can take a swing. Just promise this won't stop you from helping us. That it won't make things awkward. I... We still need you. Just forget about everything that has happened tonight and I will too. If you don't want to talk to me fine, but answer when Sammy calls and help him then. Don't make him suffer for my mistakes," Dean sounded gruff, like he was trying to sound distant, devoid of emotion but was failing miserably. He still would not look toward Castiel not wanting to see the disgust on the man's face for taking advantage of him. Castiel felt as if that blade had sliced him hearing the word mistake. Castiel chanted to himself that Dean was lashing out from anger, that he didn't mean it. But the hurt in those normally bright greens showed him he was telling the truth. That he felt like he had made a mistake, that he was guilty. When Castiel made no move toward him feeling his own guilt, Dean stood up, mask in place but it did not hide the pain in his eyes as his body shifted into full frontal view. "Just hit me already Castiel and get it over with! We need to get back to Sammy soon," Dean bit out.

"I'm not going to hit you Dean," Castiel stated firmly. "Son of a bitch, just hit me already! I can't take it anymore!" Dean swore. If he had been a dog his hackles would be raised by now. "I'm not going to hit you," Castiel growled. "Fine. Whatever. Just forget this night even happened," Dean deflated. Dean stared at the man until the adrenaline wore off, leaving behind a massive migraine and exhaustion. Dean's shoulders slumped and he walked around to the front of Baby slipping into the driver seat. Using his left hand proved difficult but he turned the keys in her ignition and put her in drive before speeding off toward the motel.

Ten minutes later Dean pulled up the cheap motel and after some difficultly put Baby in park and pulled out the keys. Dean gently swiped the motel card and eased the door open with his shoulder. Kicking the door closed he shuffled over to the first aid kit grabbing the wrap and alcohol knowing his hand was probably broken. Walking toward the sink that was outside of the bathroom, he poured the rubbing alcohol over his hand, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his pain from being known to everyone around him. Slamming the bottle down on the counter to grip it tight until the waves stopped he eyed the wrap. This... discomfort was from over. Dean grabbed the wrap with his left hand and tried to carefully wrap his dominate hand. The wrapping was crude but did the job.

Dean turned on the facet to wash away what blood was in the sink before wiping his eyes. His migraine centered behind his eyes and he pushed away from the counter. Boots still on he clambered into bed, throwing the scratchy blanket over himself and closing his eyes. Sorrow gripped him hard and he fought against it. He had been rejected before, why did it hurt so bad? Its not like he was worth the effort and he knew that. He was a broken man and throwing himself onto unwilling parties was a new low. He wouldn't blame Cas if he didn't come around anymore but hoped beyond belief that if things got bad, Cas would at least save Sammy if he couldn't. Dean passed out from exhaustion, his arm out stretched for his brother if he had been there with them.

Dean woke a few hours later with a huge dip in the bed. Dean sat up quickly and stared into the brightest blue eyes God has ever created. They bumped noses, Dean sucked in a breath and jerked back.

"Dean-"

"No Cas-!"

"Let me speak Dean! You have yet to let me speak!"

Dean looked down at the blanket, knowing he was right after all.

"Dean I don't know why I froze, I just wasn't expecting you to actually-"

"I told you to forget about it Cas, it was the heat of the moment. I shouldn't have thought I could just reach out and kiss you like that. I'm not-"

Castiel grabbed the sides of Dean's face and pulled him close, lips closed over his in attempt to show him how he really felt. Get him to stop thinking he was so beneath what he really was. Cas could feel the yearning in Dean as he started to respond before jerking away, "I'm not going to sit here and guilt you Cas. Don't act like you want to kiss me when I know you don't." Hurt was back in Dean's eyes as he put his arms down and jerked up before gasping in pain, quickly falling against the mattress and jerking his hand back to his chest. Castiel grabbed Dean's wrists and pinned them above his head, using his angelic strength against Dean.

"You will shut up and listen to me Dean. I am sorry I did not react earlier. You took me by complete surprise. But that kiss was not out of pity or guilt. I wanted to kiss you Assbutt. Damnit Dean, I have cared about you since before I pulled you out of Hell," Cas was nose to nose with the silent hunter. The next moment, Dean's shirt was gone and Cas placed his hand on his hand mark on his shoulder. A shiver ran through Dean that he tried his best to ignore with Cas so close to him but it was difficult with the dominance he was displaying.

Castiel leaned in close, his tie grazing Dean's chest barely giving him goosebumps. "You think I would scar up my wings for just anyone?" Castiel whispered in his ear. Dean did not trust himself to speak so he shook his head once to the side. Cas pulled back, his tie moving downward and Dean's nipples puckered up with anticipation. Dean wanted to slap his body for betraying him. Now was not the time to get flustered especially when Castiel was in his face almost in his lap and would be able to feel the growing arousal. Slipping both wrists into one hand, Cas used the other to grip the mark he had given Dean, Cas looked into the lust filled eyes that distracted him momentarily from the full lips biting back a moan, "I wouldn't do that for anyone else. Now where were we?" Castiel's husky voice asked. Castiel captured Dean's lips again, pinning him to the bed, healing his wounds. His hand had been broken from breaking the window on Baby.

Dean struggled against Cas to no avail. Cas kept him pinned and kissed him until they needed air. "Cas _please_ ," Dean begged breathless. "Let go Dean," Cas commanded and Dean nodded before lifting his torso up and kissing his angel with everything he felt. Cas let his wrists go and Dean gripped Cas' trench coat closer to himself before threading his fingers into Cas' hair dragging him closer. Castiel gripped his hair back and they poured their love into actions.

Having remembered from the time's he had glanced down from Heaven to accidentally catch Dean in the act, he knew Dean was submissive, needing his partner to get off before himself, needing to be dominated. On the outside he needed to control and protect but once in the throws of passion, all of his need to control goes out the window and his need to be controlled took place. Cas shoved Dean down, pinning him again before using some of his own body weight to make Dean gasp before sinking his teeth into his neck. "Mmmm FUCK Cas," Dean moaned. Sucking not to gently leaving a darkening mark on his neck, Dean bucked against Cas, pleasure shooting throughout his entire body straight to his hard cock.

Cas sat up to take his coat off but Dean had sat up impatiently, ripping it from his shoulders, tearing his shirt off leaving his tie. Dean toppled Castiel onto the floor, ravaging his mouth, making a trail to his shoulder where he gave him a nice hard nip before licking away the sting. Cas threw his head back before shoving Dean up onto his knees. Catching Dean by the shoulders he slammed him in the wall, caging him in with his arms. Dean roughly grabbed his hip bones, fingers sliding under his waist band, lips possessive over Cas' mouth before Cas took control over their kiss again. Dean slipped his hands into Cas' pants and squeezed his ass cheeks, nails giving a slight bite.

Cas rubbed his erection against Dean's earning a loud groan. "Don't tease me Cas," Dean's voice was full of lust. Castiel leaned forward his mouth at his ear while his fingertips barely traced down his chest to his tight abs, slowly toward his pulsing needy cock, "On the contrary, I'm going to make you beg."

Before Dean could fathom what Cas had just promised, he was gone. Cas disappeared before his very eyes. Dean's stomach dropped, "Cas?" He wearily called out. _Oh fuck please, please, please, please, please tell me that wasn't a dream._ Dean's mind panicked. Dean took a step forward before he was thrown into the bed making his heart pound against his ribs as fight or flight kicked in. Not a second sooner his hands were tied to the bedpost by a blue tie and small kisses peppered down his right arm. Dean whimpered, not knowing what Cas was going to do next making him that much more turned on.

Dean could feel his cock throb achingly as Cas, his angel made random kisses along the underside of his arms and chest. They were sporadic and never in the same place twice. Dean gasped when he felt a warm mouth enclose around one nipple, he arched off the bed. The sharp bite bringing a shudder threw his body before the mouth was gone. Dean thrusted up to feel some friction against his aching cock. Throwing his head back, Dean moaned at the feel of the needed friction. A warm mouth enclosed itself about his jean clad member and Dean jumped, "Fuck Cas! Stop fucking torturing me!" Dean began to beg. Castiel appeared before him, fingertips barely scratching down his chest. Castiel stared deep into Dean's eyes, "No." A whine escaped Dean's throat without his say so.

Castiel's fingertips played at Dean's waistband, watching his face, his reactions. "Fuck Cas just fuck me already! Please! I'm so close it hurts," Dean begged. Castiel smirked and Dean's heart skipped a beat. Instead of using his angel abilities to snap away his clothes, his fingertips inched toward his button keeping full eye contact with Dean. Cas unbuttoned his jeans slowly, grabbing onto Dean's zipper before inch by inch pulling it down. Dean wiggled his hips to get free faster and before Dean could blink, Cas bit his hip bone, making his body jerk in response. "What the hell?" Dean groaned, his mind to far gone at this point. Castiel raised an eyebrow, "I'll take these off as slow or fast as I deem fit." Before Dean could mutter his annoyance, Cas' lips were pressed against the opening of his jeans. Dean hissed as his dick strained and barely grazed the angel's neck.

Cas slowly slid down his jeans, his lips peppering down his thighs. Dean jerked in impatience for his neglected, aching cock and Cas punished him with a soft nip along his length. "Cas please!" Dean begged some more. Cas smirked, his eyes practically glowing up at Dean making his erection that much more painful. **D** **o you have any idea how sexy you look like that Cas?** Dean hadn't realized he had prayed until said angel smiled up at him and retorted back, **I could the same about you Dean.** "How- Oh Goddamn Cas yes! Fuck!" Dean hollered as Cas took his entire length at once to the hit. Dean was surprised he hadn't come right there.

Cas bobbed his head once before looking at Dean hard and vanished for a moment. Dean tensed up for the cloaked touches when Cas returned holding a small tube. "Dean do you trust me?" Cas asked, needing his permission first. Dean just nodded, not ready to say the words out loud. Cas coated his fingers and slipped one finger inside of Dean's tight ass. "Dean you have to relax,"Cas warned. Dean did the first thing he could think of, he pulled Cas' head closer and kissed him tenderly as Cas slowly eased his finger in and out of Dean to stretch him. There was a slight sting but nothing he couldn't handle. Slipping a second finger in, Cas kept his slow pace of easing in and out of Dean as they kissed. Cas could feel Dean's soul and body calling him. Dean continued to kiss Cas down his neck and onto his chest as he fingered him. Cas added a third finger, scissoring out to slowly stretch him out.

"Dean?" Cas' husky voice filled the room. Dean nodded up at him, trust in his eyes, "Be slow Cas." Cas kissed Dean again, sealing the promise with a gentle caress of his tongue in his awaiting mouth. Cas popped the cap and poured some lube onto his own aching cock, giving himself a nice long stroke before aligning himself up to Dean's mostly relaxed entrance. Cas slowly moved forward, the head slipping in before slipping back out. He thrusted slow and inch by inch he made progress going deeper and deeper into Dean before he finally bottomed out. He stilled his movements, Dean was so tight he wasn't sure how long he could hold off and Dean looked much closer to coming.

"Move Cas please," Dean begged and rocked his own hips. Cas took a hold of his hips, throwing them over his shoulder and pulled out slowly before thrusting back in, harder than before. Dean arched off the bed, "Harder Cas!" Cas grabbed onto his hips and slammed back into Dean harder and when Dean made no cry of pain but of pleasure, Cas stopped easing out and slammed into Dean with each flick of his waist. Dean was all moans until Cas changed position and slammed back in. Dean rose off the bed and stared straight into lust filled blue eyes. Surprised pleasured green eyes met mischievous blue eyes, "Right there Castiel!" His voice sounded panicked and Cas thrusted back and Dean's head slammed back crying out. Cas smiled and starting ramming into Dean with everything he had that wouldn't actually injure him.

"Cas! Cas! Caaasssss! Fuck Cas! I love you!" Dean yelled and came hard between himself and Cas, arching so hard his cock was squished between them adding pressure. Cas heard Dean and it sent him over the edge, he came in large spurts inside of Dean, his body jerking with the effort. Cas slipped out and Dean's legs slipped off of his shoulders, completely jello. Cas fell onto his side, bringing Dean close to him, "I love you too Dean." Dean blushed scarlet, remembering his confession right before the most powerful orgasm of his life took over. Cas put his head on Dean's chest and lifted the discarded blanket over them. Dean kissed the top of Cas' head and whispered lazily, "I really do love you my angel." The brightest of smiles were on both of their faces as they both fell into blissful sleep.


End file.
